- Why is my child not speaking at 3 years old?
Great question! In regards to language acquisition, we should accept that language development varies in all children. Some children acquire language sooner than others; we ought to consider things such as number of languages spoken at home, whether or not the child has an older sibling, whether the child is an only child and so forth. We may even need to accept that even within the same family, one child may acquire language sooner or later than another child and be okay with it. These are just some of the subjective things that can affect a child’s language development.
On average, children acquire language starting in the first year of life. Language is broken down into expressive and receptive. Expressive language is what the child can actually say or communicate, be it through words, sign language, or picture exchange communication (PECS). Receptive language on the other hand is what the child understands, the latter being much higher than the former. Receptive language typically develops well before expressive language.
When expressive language is delayed, children often resort to other maladaptive forms of communicating, such as tantrums, crying, self-injurious behaviours etc. This is likely because they themselves are frustrated with their inability to express themselves. This is where the challenge lies. This is what an outsider, including family and friends may not always understand. I would say that if your child is unable to communicate the above for people outside of the home to understand, then there might be a challenge. Even within the home, I would say that if it is only the mother who can understand the child’s expressive language, there may be a delay and I would strongly suggest a consultation with a Speech and Language Pathologist.
Although we want the best for our children, and see the best in our children, we are serving them no good when we are in denial of suspected delays. These can often be curbed and end up following a normal trajectory when we intervene early on.
Consider the Expressive Language Milestones. Your child should typically be meeting these milestones around the ages listed below:
- By 1 to 2 years of age your child will have two-word combinations, asking questions, making statements and requests. “More milk” “want some” “no go”.
- By 2 to 3 years of age your child’s language is likely exploding and growing at an exponential rate. She may have one or two or three word sentences and typically people outside of the home can even understand what she says. Her vocabulary may be several times greater than it was the year before.
- By 3 to 4 years of age your child is no longer using two-word sentences to communicate but rather four or more words. She is also likely having back-and-forth conversation. She is communicating not just her wants, but her experiences and interests. She will ask questions and add to conversations.
This is just a broad overview of language development from 0 to 3 years of age. In order to promote language in a child whose abilities may be delayed, you have to give them the opportunity to speak. You need to set up the environment and situations so the child is forced to use the few words they have. It is great practice to create these opportunities at home, so you can build on their language. Our job is not just to provide, it is to build on their development, to teach, to expand, and to make sure they have the opportunity to grow. Here are some examples of ways to elicit language, sabotage the child’s environment by serving their dinner without a fork, put a favourite toy out of reach, instruct them to put on their shoes and hide 1-foot. These are the type of things to do to encourage language use.
- How should parents balance emotions and non-compliance, more specifically surrounding homework?
Parents often forget that children can most certainly sense what they are feeling and are attuned to their parent’s emotions. What ends up happening in many situations is that the parent and the child end up in a power struggle and in the end the child always wins. By the end of the struggle the parent is often the one who is tired, physically exhausted, angry, and maybe feeling guilty. You never feel like you have defeated the child but rather you feel defeated.
Prior to giving the child a task, the expectations and consequences should be set. For example, instead of saying to the child “do your homework” and then when the child does not comply you find yourself in a power struggle realizing in the end the homework is still not done, instead, the parent should say “it is time to do your homework, I expect you to finish all of it by 8 o’clock. If you do not finish your homework, the consequence will be…“ In this way the child knows exactly what he needs to do, what the expectation is and what the consequences are if he does not comply. Remember to reward good behaviour and set clear expectations and consequences that you are willing to follow through with.
- How do you deal with hitting and sibling rivalry?
There will always be sibling rivalry at one point or another in a child’s life. Whether their sibling is older or younger, no matter how insignificant or serious, disagreements will occur. I get it, as a parent it is ideal for if our children would just agree and get along.
We need to realize that children always want to be appreciated as individuals, especially the eldest child who now has to share his parents time. It is important that parents spend time with their children individually, as well as together. In this way, children may appreciate each other more and may value the time when they are together much more.
When disagreements do occur, it is important to solve them so that both children feel heard. Whether you speak to the children individually, or you work it out together, both sides of the story should be heard. Once the children are old enough it is also important that they have the opportunity to work out their problems on their own.
- What is the difference between ABA and IBI?
Here is the explanation of the difference between ABA and IBI. ABA is the framework on which IBI is based. The acronym ABA stands for applied behavior analysis. It is the science that focuses on breaking down behavior into its smaller components and then teaching those components to achieve a larger goal.
On the other hand IBI is a form of early intervention or therapy for your child. This form of intervention is based on the principles of ABA. The intensity in IBI (intensive behavioural intervention) comes from the number of hours, the number of programs, and the number of trials.
- What does one do with children who are “handsy” touching peers and touching themselves and have trouble sitting still?
In this scenario, it is best to make sure to praise and shape the appropriate behavior and the incompatible behaviour. This is what is called differential reinforcement. What I mean by this is, encourage and praise the child each time he is in his seat, using his hands appropriately, and on task. Praise all behavior that he cannot do while engaging in inappropriate behaviour or inappropriate touching. Ignore and re-direct inappropriate behaviour. Remember when you are re-directing inappropriate touching, do not label what you do not want the child to do, e.g. “don’t touch your friends” but rather label the behaviour you want the child to do ” keep your hands down”. Alternatively, have the child wear pocket shirts or pocket pants and re-direct him to put his hands in his pockets whenever he engages in inappropriate touching or touching his peers.
- Does my child have an internet/video game addiction problem?
Addiction is not my area of expertise, but as a behaviour analyst I strongly believe that the basic principles of behaviour, those based on reinforcement and punishment, can work to modify most behavior. This being said, you can put limitations, expectations, and set boundaries for your child. Since the video games seems to be a strong MO, (motivation) it is important that you use this to your advantage to curb inappropriate behaviour (yelling) and to shape desired behavior. What I mean by this is use the video games as reinforcement. For example, you can say to your child at the beginning of the week that he has X amount of time on the video games and for all appropriate behaviour he can earn more time. But for inappropriate behaviour he looses time. Each time your child displays desired behaviour, praise him with descriptive praise and then add time to X amount you have allotted. Slowly you will shape what you want while extinguishing (or getting rid of) what you do not want. Maybe sure the X amount you begin with is something you are okay with your child having especially if the goal will be to add time.
- My child cannot take a joke. How can I guide him?
If the child cannot take a joke, you may want to teach him the difference between a joke, teasing, and bullying. He may not understand the intent. Teach him that a joke is to make someone laugh, teach him what light teasing is, and teach him when someone is trying to hurt his feelings. Keep in mind, you cannot change an individual’s character or what you cannot see. “Stubbornness” is not a behavior, meaning it is not something that can be measured or observed. What you want to modify or change in lieu of this, are the outcomes of stubbornness. I would suggest exposing the child to jokes more frequently so that he becomes more flexible. Remember, do this in small exposures so you do not upset the child and then encourage closer and closer approximations to the level of flexibility that you desire. Laugh, play, and model flexibility yourself so your child begins to learn the different situations that it is okay to laugh in.
